Thursday, January 12, 2006
Rollercoaster Ride
If there is one thing I learned about myself the past year is that I have come to be more sensitive(not as in I-don't-want-to-friend-you-sensitive!). It's like I suddenly aged two-folds of my current age. Sometimes I go to the point of irritating myself. Maybe too much bottled up emotions has taken its toll on me and I suddenly jump at every possible opportunity there is to let the reservoir of tears overflow.
Watching dramas, movies or even when I'm not doing anything; the situation becomes a reason of expressing my suppressed emotions. Sometimes I would just be walking towards the kitchen or making myself a cup of coffee and waheyyyy whatdya know! A thought pops up in mind and down comes the 'rain'. Really, it has become THAT easy.
It's like being in a constant battlefield, except that the only person I'm battling against is myself; my inner emotions fighting among themselves to reign over the whole me. At times I succumb to the crestfallenness but normally, I like to think that I came out a warrior... even if I'm kidding myself. But it gets me going. Then I wouldn't have to dwell on it. Dwelling and living in the past is something I choose not to do. It deprives me of living in the present and enjoy every scent of what today can offer.
Really, I think I'm at such a weird phase of my life whereby things just go downhill evanescently and then I just move on. But when a situation arises that reminds me of that disposition, it drives me down the hill all over again just as quickly as I would recover a major roller-coaster ride! It's insane and it's not depression!
--Lola
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