As cliche as this may sound, I am on a soul-searching journey.

A friend asked why I put my headscarf aside. The chance to meet new people and travel to different places this past two years has made me ponder and question some issues.

I question about the donning of headscarf as a Muslim.
No, am not questioning the original concept of it. That is absolute and unquestionable.

I look at myself in the mirror and question the person I see in the reflection.
I ask why I wear?
why do I have this longing to not wear?
Is my wearing it serving the purpose that it is suppose to?

I still maintain relationships with the opposite gender and I very well know it crosses the boundaries set by my religion.
I still miss prayers sometimes, more so now.
I still gossip.
My curves are still obvious, when I raise my hand my love handles is there for the world to see.

I question people who rationalize that their prayers are at least a compensation to their not covering their hair.
That is supposed to make them better people than people who don the scarf but don't pray.
Is that so?
Because the way I see it, both group are picking one out of two, whichever they feel is more convenient.
It doesn't work that way.

I am in a community where choosing a religion, or having one at all, is very subjective.
Studying other religion to choose the best is a good thing.
So I am taking this opportunity to get on a journey that hopefully will bring me to where I should be.
I may sound like a very sceptical Muslim, maybe I am.
But I am not questioning the religion, I am questioning myself.

P/S: My cherry and my fellow onion, don't worry I'm not lost.

Lonestar on a lone journey to the star

posted at 3:44 AM

Dahla lab bloody susah, what added to my annoyance was this Kelantanese dude who became my lab partner. Gosh, everytime he spoke I seriously felt like slapping him silly. Worse still, pull the trigger off a rifle and blow his head off. I couldn't stand his heavy accent and the fact that he spoke softer than I did. It's empat, not empak budus! I just literally wanted to stomp my foot and pull my hair out. Stop being all nice and smiley and just bloody shut up! The more he spoke, the more irritated I got. Someone should've just shot me then. At least I would've died relieved. Hahah.

If I ever end up with a Kelantanese, I swear the universe is conspiring against me.

--Lola

posted at 1:32 AM

Can't afford to fail, resit is not an option.
Kalau fail kena resit.
Kalau resit kena study masa summer.
Nothing is worse than that.
Sekali resit cukuplah, taknak pisang berbuah dua kali.
Kalau taknak resit kena belajar.
Pergilah belajar, yang pergi update blog ni buat apa???
Friendster tak tolong masa exam.

Nak belajar tapi tak boleh concentrate,
Kenapa?
Sebab teringat kawan-kawan.
Teringat jalan-jalan makan-makan
Tak habis roti bagi itik makan kat sungai
Main monopoly sampai lewat pagi
Pastuh suma tidor kat depan sampai tengahari.

Teringat jumpa si dia, si dia yang masih chomel
Masih menawan
Yang masih aku nak tapi tak dapat
And tak akan dapat
Oh dia...
Dia belanja kebab
Masa nak balik kami berpelukan
Tapi pada dia saya hanya seorang kawan

Nak belajar, tapi nota tak cukup
Sape suruh tak pergi kelas?

Mak cakap cuba sedaya upaya
Apa apa yang jadi Tuhan yang takdirkan
Nanti kalau sponsor tanya jawab takdir boleh mak?
HuHu

posted at 11:47 PM

So I have 3 labs this week, one more tomorrow and trust me 3 labs(3 hours each) in a week is absolute torture! Especially if the labs involve constructing circuits(I once had smoke coming out of my electronic components, thank God I didn't fuse myself, haha!; apart from my head yang dah lama short-circuit). Yesterday's lab was fairly oke, had it done in about an hour and a half and that my onions is a great achievement! Finishing lab early that is.

While waiting to be orally evaluated, I scanned the lab and realized I was the only girl in the freaking lab! Hellloooooooooo!!! Where are all you women!? There I was surrounded by men(boyslah actually) vigorously getting their codings right and having their graphs to show on screen. I sorang-sorang pompuan dalam lab itu selain daripada lab technician. Apakah! It seems that my friends too have been limited to guys since practically 3/4 of my classmates are males.

Now imagine my career days(if I ever become an engineer that is--a useless one at that too!); a board full of men hitting on the few women engineers. Ahh no wonder shrooms tak bagi aku kerja. Dammnit! He's been calling me engineer telefon bimbit yang akan bukak Kedai Telekomunikasi Ah Seng. Sungguh tak patut! Helllooo! Saya bakal pemegang Ijazah Sarjana Muda Elektronik dalam pengkhususan Telekomunikasi(Amiiinn!!) oke!? Not just limited to handphones JEE! Yihhh!!! But I digress.

In retrospect to my school days, especially in primary school where I had more guy friends than I did girls. Remember Lonestar? All those girls yang nak main batu seremban tapi bila kalah nak nangis. Wtf la kan! Kita macho main bottle caps lagi best! Then we took Ming Yew's dare for a badminton challenge and of courselah kalah, siapa suruh lawan wakil sekolah kan? Dah kalah boleh pegi panjat tali belakang sekolah plak... and the rest is of course history. Hahah!

I miss you my dear Lonestar, the longest friend I've ever had and the most fun I have with. Huuwwaaa! Come back soon darliiinggg!!! We'll go holidaying in the islands of Borneo, excavate the caves of Sarawak and go white-water rafting in the rivers of... mana-manalah!

Maaaakkk!!! Nak baliiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

P/S: Helllloooo makcik bawang LostSoul, cuti-cuti pun tarak boleh update ka???

--Lola

posted at 6:43 PM

i was showing my mother pictures of my recent trip to europe
she's glad i had fun
i did, i am
to quote michael buble
'another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome but i wanna go home'

Its been a long time since we had our talks
our movie marathon
us pigging out
taco fries, pitza, ice cream, chocolate, sandwich
i love cheese
and i love you for loving cheese
i miss those times
back when you were only two doors away
its cold outside
but i am content at least for now
because i have a friend
who makes me feel like i am home.

posted at 3:01 AM

What Sign Is Your True Love?

posted at 9:55 PM