As cliche as this may sound, I am on a soul-searching journey.

A friend asked why I put my headscarf aside. The chance to meet new people and travel to different places this past two years has made me ponder and question some issues.

I question about the donning of headscarf as a Muslim.
No, am not questioning the original concept of it. That is absolute and unquestionable.

I look at myself in the mirror and question the person I see in the reflection.
I ask why I wear?
why do I have this longing to not wear?
Is my wearing it serving the purpose that it is suppose to?

I still maintain relationships with the opposite gender and I very well know it crosses the boundaries set by my religion.
I still miss prayers sometimes, more so now.
I still gossip.
My curves are still obvious, when I raise my hand my love handles is there for the world to see.

I question people who rationalize that their prayers are at least a compensation to their not covering their hair.
That is supposed to make them better people than people who don the scarf but don't pray.
Is that so?
Because the way I see it, both group are picking one out of two, whichever they feel is more convenient.
It doesn't work that way.

I am in a community where choosing a religion, or having one at all, is very subjective.
Studying other religion to choose the best is a good thing.
So I am taking this opportunity to get on a journey that hopefully will bring me to where I should be.
I may sound like a very sceptical Muslim, maybe I am.
But I am not questioning the religion, I am questioning myself.

P/S: My cherry and my fellow onion, don't worry I'm not lost.

Lonestar on a lone journey to the star

posted at 3:44 AM

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