Hati sayu pagi raya.

Mak abah jauh.

Abang adik tak depan mata.

Nenek dah tua. WIll I ever get another raya with her?

Teringat mami selalu buat breakfast, makan rendang mami masak.

Pergi masjid sama- sama.

Semua orang pakai lawa-lawa.

Salam peluk cium.

My brothers drive me up the wall, this is the one day in the whole year we hug and kiss.

Score 0-0, jap g start balik.

Sekarang bangun pagi takde apa-apa.

Kawan ramai tapi mana sama.

Family. Irreplaceable.

Duduk dalam bilik nangis sorang-sorang.

Air mata taknak berhenti. Sebab gambar dengan kad tak sama.

Nak mami abah.

Nak mami abah.

Nak mami abah.

posted at 6:55 AM

posted at 9:56 PM

I feel like history is repeating itself for me... and I'm shattering into a million pieces. My strong front apparently isn't enough to compensate the hollow beings of my soul. When the fundamentals cannot with hold the external weight, it breaks apart. Just like I'm breaking...

Psyching myself proved to be a temporary remedy. I wanted positivity to emit from every cell of my body... but hearts don't lie. What is up in the brains and the organ that pumps you to life every second of every damn day of your life are two different kingdoms that don't seem to relate.

Sometimes I wish they would. It'd make my life a lot easier.

posted at 12:15 AM

It annoys me that so many people think there is a shortcut to losing weight, getting Jen Aniston's arms, those PCD girls' washboard abs and all that. There is no shortcut to a place worth going, I'm afraid.

No amount of Herbalife potion, slimming pills and patches, starvation or even Atkins is going to give you a to-die-for figure. It's like this : you want to get to a Slimville and have a choice of getting a ride in a lavish sports car, or drive your way in a rusty dusty hatchback that is your own. Had you hitched a ride and bask in the envious glance of fellow road users, you will be carless soon when your driver leaves you. On the other hand, the poor hatchback would have taken you longer to get there, but it will continue to serve you for longer.

So take your pick. Do you really want to be on protein shakes for the rest of your life? I for one can't even bear the thought of not having my cheesy pastas, my creamy nasi lemak, my heavenly Swensen desserts (kan lola kan??). Of course I want to someday be able to wear my fitting tops without having to tuck my tummy in, but when I am finally able to do that, I want abs with toned muscle which at the same time allows me eat all that I want.

The physiology of the human body is one of the most complex area to venture into. 2 years of medical can only give you the surface of it. At the end of the 5 years you will realize that you still don't know all there is to know. The systems interconnect and messing around with one will lead to the destruction of another.

I won't go into details here but let me just say this : You can't eat and eat and eat fatty food and pride upon not gaining weight unless obviously you are known to have an athlete's exercise tolerance. The food has got to go somewhere. If not the metabolically normal pathway of being tunred into storage fat, it will somehow or rather go somewhere else. When you mess with the natural system, you interfere with the workings of the body. To cut it short, you mess with your liver and gallbladder, two organs which gives you the most excruciating abdominal pain.

Google why Atkins can't work. Type ketone bodies. In layman's term, brain damage!!

The body's also equipped with an amazing defence system. That's why it will tolerate slimming crap. But not for long. It won't be long before someone tries to sue the distributor. By that time the sellers would have long be on their way to a Hawaiian vacation first class travel. Who pays? ;)

Remember that Singaporean actress with liver disease from slimming pills? Not all boyfriends will sacrifice their liver when they can't even sacrifice footie time! And of course, not if they're on the same slimming fastrack (you know who I'm talking about don't you, pretty girls? Cheeky!)

Just take some time and think. Do some reading. Ask medical experts. Then hit the gym, take up kickboxing, run in the park when the waeather's lovely. Chances are you will grow old gracefully.

posted at 12:01 AM

I have been questioning myself about religion, not my own, but religion in general. My faith in all the spiritual knowledge that has been presented upon me has sort of dissapeared into thin air. I begin to wonder if all this while my hanging on to a religion is merely for heriditary and cultural reasons. Those reasons are undeniably not reason enough to stay. I never used to question things, I have always been one to accept things as they are, regardless how absurd or unnecessarry it might be. However circumstances and my surroundings have slowly changed over the past few years, drastically over the summer. I met new people, I learnt different cultures, I opened my ears to all sorts of people justifying their beliefs and values. As much as I enjoyed most part of it, I am truthfully saddened by the fact that it has brought me to question the function of religion in this wide world, and more personally in my own life.

I want to know what religion does to me and to you. I want to see what value it instills in all of us. I want to experience the reform that is the consequence of carrying out religious duties. So far I have failed. I have bowed and kneeled in prayers, I have fasted from dusk to dawn, I have circled the holy land, I have professed my faith, but none so far has made me feel like I am at least one step closer to Him.

I know I am not alone in this quest of spiritual journey. I am sure everyone has questions they wish had easy answers to. I am just fortunate to live in a society where questions like this can be treated with a matured, knowledgable, open discussion and not scoffed off as childish and unacceptably taboo.

What led me to my confusion is neither the freedom fighters crashing into buildings or merciless bombings of innocent faultless children. For now I would rather try to understand the world around me first before attempting the more complicated one. I see friends who don the headscarf because they have to without understanding why it is imposed upon Muslim women. I see people who fast but once the sun has set returns to their normal routine, their fasting only causing them to starve but nothing else. Then they bend the rules to suit their preference, making physical contact with their partner but guarding contacts with others, as if being an item makes it all okay to break the rule. I observe my Christian friends religiously attend Sunday masses only to satisfy their sexual desires the very evening. I have seen them ignore values preached in the Bible by whoever they believe to be their God.

On the other hand I have friends who claim to be athiests or believe there is a God somewhere but not claiming to belong to any religion, who make better members of the society. Weirdly enough I feel comfortable around them because they go the extra mile to make me feel so. If there was line somewhere, they would let a pregnant women jump the queue, or if I missed lectures for any reason they'd grab me a copy of the notes and call to check up if I am alright. These values can really be just common sense, cow if you like, although a friend of mine begs to differ, saying values grow from belief and belief is from religion.

So at the end of the day, what do we get out of religion? If religion never existed then wouldn't we all have been the same? You don't need to dive deep into any religion to see that the values they promote, the teachings they emphasise are all similar - good, honourable qualities that contributes to personal, familial and society development.

For now I still believe there is a God somewhere, and that the Prophet Muhammad is His messenger. I just need some time and channel to discover and convince myself that all good that is in me is because I obey His orders and His messengers'.

posted at 4:22 AM

Dugaannnnyaaaaa exams bulan puasa ni. Bukak buku je rasa nak terlelap. Malamnya payah pulak nak melelapkan mata. Macam-macam bermain di otak. Semoga aku tabah menghadapi Ramadhan kali ini.

Kau berkatilah bulan ini bagiku Ya Rahim; tenangkanlah hatiku dan permudahkanlah perjalananku agar aku tidak tersimpang dari jalan-Mu. Ya Rabbal 'Alamin.

posted at 5:28 PM