I have been questioning myself about religion, not my own, but religion in general. My faith in all the spiritual knowledge that has been presented upon me has sort of dissapeared into thin air. I begin to wonder if all this while my hanging on to a religion is merely for heriditary and cultural reasons. Those reasons are undeniably not reason enough to stay. I never used to question things, I have always been one to accept things as they are, regardless how absurd or unnecessarry it might be. However circumstances and my surroundings have slowly changed over the past few years, drastically over the summer. I met new people, I learnt different cultures, I opened my ears to all sorts of people justifying their beliefs and values. As much as I enjoyed most part of it, I am truthfully saddened by the fact that it has brought me to question the function of religion in this wide world, and more personally in my own life.

I want to know what religion does to me and to you. I want to see what value it instills in all of us. I want to experience the reform that is the consequence of carrying out religious duties. So far I have failed. I have bowed and kneeled in prayers, I have fasted from dusk to dawn, I have circled the holy land, I have professed my faith, but none so far has made me feel like I am at least one step closer to Him.

I know I am not alone in this quest of spiritual journey. I am sure everyone has questions they wish had easy answers to. I am just fortunate to live in a society where questions like this can be treated with a matured, knowledgable, open discussion and not scoffed off as childish and unacceptably taboo.

What led me to my confusion is neither the freedom fighters crashing into buildings or merciless bombings of innocent faultless children. For now I would rather try to understand the world around me first before attempting the more complicated one. I see friends who don the headscarf because they have to without understanding why it is imposed upon Muslim women. I see people who fast but once the sun has set returns to their normal routine, their fasting only causing them to starve but nothing else. Then they bend the rules to suit their preference, making physical contact with their partner but guarding contacts with others, as if being an item makes it all okay to break the rule. I observe my Christian friends religiously attend Sunday masses only to satisfy their sexual desires the very evening. I have seen them ignore values preached in the Bible by whoever they believe to be their God.

On the other hand I have friends who claim to be athiests or believe there is a God somewhere but not claiming to belong to any religion, who make better members of the society. Weirdly enough I feel comfortable around them because they go the extra mile to make me feel so. If there was line somewhere, they would let a pregnant women jump the queue, or if I missed lectures for any reason they'd grab me a copy of the notes and call to check up if I am alright. These values can really be just common sense, cow if you like, although a friend of mine begs to differ, saying values grow from belief and belief is from religion.

So at the end of the day, what do we get out of religion? If religion never existed then wouldn't we all have been the same? You don't need to dive deep into any religion to see that the values they promote, the teachings they emphasise are all similar - good, honourable qualities that contributes to personal, familial and society development.

For now I still believe there is a God somewhere, and that the Prophet Muhammad is His messenger. I just need some time and channel to discover and convince myself that all good that is in me is because I obey His orders and His messengers'.

posted at 4:22 AM

2 Comments:

• At 12:08 PM,  Anonymous said...

  Faith cannot be passed on genetically nor acquired from books. Faith cannot be learnt in schools or from word of mouth. Faith comes from within you, something you have to set a journey on and find on your own; nurture until it sprouts and blossoms.
  
  Once you acquire this, I believe life will truly be at peace because you surrender yourself to the One and Only. And then you'll realize that His love will surpass all kinds of love you'll ever receive...
  
  All the best my friend, my prayers are with you always :)
  
  "He always listens... but do we listen to Him?"

   

• At 7:03 PM,  Anonymous said...

  Listen to Iman Mutiara-Raihan...
  
  It might explain why "hati masih jauh dari Dia..." Have to constantly remind myself too.
  
  Take care darling! Jangan lupa call your worried mom! Hahah.

   

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