No one ever really gets over their first real love. Ask anyone that. It's great that we are still talking, that we still communicate and that he sometimes still relies on me for certain stuff. But it's hard holding back things when there used to be so much more to us.

There are a lot of things you miss and certainly a huge void you're never sure if it can be filled the same way again. Sometimes I wake up with this big urge to talk to him, share what I used to share with him, laugh over the inside joke only the two of us could understand but then you eventually realize things are not like they were before. That we both have our own separate lives to live and make the best of.

I've had to pull myself up many times during the past few months, simply because I know I'm the only one who can. On many many levels, I've managed to hold my head up, to go on with my life just like when we were together, like nothing happened... only without him. But on certain levels, there's still that longing for him to be by my side, a heartache almost incurable if I don't do anything about.

God works in mysterious ways. I've come to understand the hikmah behind it all... and although he was once the best thing that happened in my life, the sunshine that shone upon me during my rainy days, a sweet delicate memory of the past I will never regret... a great empowering feeling rushes over me that seems to say that that's all he'll ever be. A sweet memory of the past. At least for now.

Someday like Lonestar said, we'll find the man who'll buy us a nice ole house with a nice ole car and take us to places beyond far.

A man who'll love me and his God above all else =)

posted at 5:59 PM

2 Comments:

• At 9:22 AM,  Anonymous said...

  abang hard rockkkk oooooooo abang hard rockkkk. hahaha.
  
  i thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you? hmph *storms off*....
  
  hehe
  
  chin up babe. patah tumbuh hilang berganti. carik yang hotstuff sikit and yang senang i nak layan ;)

   

• At 12:19 PM,  Anonymous said...

  Haha sial je!
  
  Of course you're the best thing that ever happened to me... he's the next best thing... well was lah at least. Hahah.
  
  There will be more best things coming up, stay tuned! Haha sial lagi boleh?
  
  But of course always always after you ;)
  
  Cepatlaaa balikkkkkkkkk! Banyak gossip terkumpul ni!

   

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