we spent a whole day in the library,

playing kissy kissy smoochy smoochy

talking mushy mushy

smiley smiley

:)

posted at 9:23 AM

No one ever really gets over their first real love. Ask anyone that. It's great that we are still talking, that we still communicate and that he sometimes still relies on me for certain stuff. But it's hard holding back things when there used to be so much more to us.

There are a lot of things you miss and certainly a huge void you're never sure if it can be filled the same way again. Sometimes I wake up with this big urge to talk to him, share what I used to share with him, laugh over the inside joke only the two of us could understand but then you eventually realize things are not like they were before. That we both have our own separate lives to live and make the best of.

I've had to pull myself up many times during the past few months, simply because I know I'm the only one who can. On many many levels, I've managed to hold my head up, to go on with my life just like when we were together, like nothing happened... only without him. But on certain levels, there's still that longing for him to be by my side, a heartache almost incurable if I don't do anything about.

God works in mysterious ways. I've come to understand the hikmah behind it all... and although he was once the best thing that happened in my life, the sunshine that shone upon me during my rainy days, a sweet delicate memory of the past I will never regret... a great empowering feeling rushes over me that seems to say that that's all he'll ever be. A sweet memory of the past. At least for now.

Someday like Lonestar said, we'll find the man who'll buy us a nice ole house with a nice ole car and take us to places beyond far.

A man who'll love me and his God above all else =)

posted at 5:59 PM

My plans were to always become rich, happy and famous lol. Not anymore. Like a wise friend recently said, plans change. I still dream, but I don't want to try too hard. The future is too uncertain to base today's plans on. And today won't wait for me or you.

I used to think that if I start saving by now by the time I graduate I could probably get myself a fancy car. Vey tempting, and very feasible, but I can always start saving when I start earning, the best parties, birthdays, roadtrips is happening now and I don't want to miss it all. A night out can easily cost me a week's allowance - cab rides, drinks, door charge, kebab supper - so what? In college you are meant to spend the money you don't have. And in college it's not too embaressing to ask daddy for some money. Because to bump into your biggest crush and steal a dance, to see your friend trip over because she is too drunk, to curse the crappy music but stay the whole night anyway, to wake up the next day feeling like poo, that is all priceless. I surely won't remember the ten pounds I save staying at home, but I'll definitely smile everytime I hear Hips Don't Lie.

I used to not want a boyfriend, and just get married to the one and only. I hated the idea of a long list of ex-boyfriends, but I have learnt that you have to put your heart out there and let it weather the pouring rain and the shiny afternoons. It will hurt, it will scar, it will bleed, but it will heal, it will learn, and it will love again and again and again.

posted at 7:00 AM

posted at 9:31 AM